You may know me now, but you probably don’t know the whole story—especially the parts that got me to where I am today, helping others find their balance in life, fitness, and self-care. So, I thought it was time to open up and share a little more about my past. Let’s take a trip down memory lane, starting with some of my younger years, and next month, we’ll dive into my college and beyond adventures.

The Struggle Begins: A Second Grader’s Body Image Journey
Let’s go way back. One of my earliest memories is feeling self-conscious about my body in second grade. I went to Catholic school, and I wore my cardigan year-round—yes, even in the sweltering, humid Maryland summers—just to hide my body. I wasn’t sure exactly why I felt this way, but I do know that I picked up on the idea that my body wasn’t “accepted.” Even at such a young age, I understood that, to be beautiful or “fit in,” I needed to lose weight.
Fast forward, and I found myself caught in a vicious cycle of hating my body, doing whatever I could to change it—unhealthy habits and all. From disordered eating to compulsive exercise as punishment, I was stuck in a pattern I couldn’t break.
By fifth grade, my dad “encouraged” me to jump rope almost every day to lose weight. Looking back, I realize how harmful that was for a child, and it set the stage for years of unhealthy relationships with food and exercise.
The Weight Was “Gone,” but the Mental Health Struggled to Keep Up
By high school, I had lost weight and had what was supposed to be a “brand new body.” But what I didn’t expect was the mental health baggage that came with it. When my father noticed my behaviors, he tried to intervene and realize his mistake. But by then, I was deep into my unhealthy habits. My friends were enjoying pizza, while I was avoiding it at all costs. And when I did give in, I’d punish myself with exercise—sometimes at 1 a.m., in secret, so no one would know.
Now, I’m not sharing this to make you feel sorry for me—I promise this story has a happy ending. Over time, I’ve learned healthier approaches to eating and exercise, and this is exactly why I don’t like focusing on weight loss as a personal trainer. There’s more to wellness than just the number on the scale.
The College Years: A Cycle of Restriction and Bingeing
Fast forward to college—where I found myself in an even worse cycle. I tried eating as little as possible each day while working out for two hours. Can you guess what that led to? Bingeing. Yup. After starving myself all day, I’d hide away and eat everything in sight. And, spoiler alert: this never works. I ended up consuming more than if I had just eaten normally.
Eventually, I hurt my foot badly from over-exercising. I was in so much pain I couldn’t walk for a week. But instead of seeing it as a sign to slow down, I just kept going.
The Bodybuilding Trap: A Panic Attack Over Bananas
After transferring schools and living in New York City, I gained some weight—mostly because I couldn’t resist all the amazing food (seriously, NYC’s food scene is unreal) and wasn’t exercising as much. But then, I found myself pulled into the world of bodybuilding—a terrible place for someone with my complicated relationship with food and exercise. I went right back into restrictive eating and over-exercising. After my first bodybuilding competition, I had a panic attack at the thought of eating “normal” foods like sandwiches, peanut butter, and bananas. I literally couldn’t eat out without feeling like I was failing.
Eventually, I realized how toxic this lifestyle was for my mental health. Despite prepping for three more shows, I only competed once more. I could no longer ignore the toll it was taking on me.
Healing and Finding Balance: From Bodybuilding to Powerlifting
Around age 29, I started diving deep into personal growth. It wasn’t about food—it was about the emotional baggage I had been carrying from my childhood. I researched binge eating, sat with my feelings, and got to know myself better. One exercise I found helpful was asking “why” seven times. The goal? To get to the root cause of why I felt certain things about myself—why I wanted to lose weight, why I had negative feelings around food, and what I was truly seeking.
During this time, I started powerlifting, and that’s when everything changed. Lifting heavy weights gave me the confidence I had been looking for. When I stopped obsessing over how I looked, everything else fell into place. I found a healthy relationship with food, and the scale lost its power over me.
The Takeaways: What Bodybuilding Taught Me (and Why Powerlifting Saved Me)
Looking back, I took two positive lessons from bodybuilding: 1) I learned what it really means to “eat clean,” and 2) I realized how strong my willpower and discipline could be when I focused on a goal. But it was powerlifting that taught me the true value of strength—both mental and physical—and how important it is to build muscle for functional movement. Lifting helped me see food as fuel, not the enemy, and I learned that having more muscle actually lets me enjoy the things I love without guilt.
Finding Peace Through Balance
This entire journey wasn’t easy, but it led me to an important truth: balance is everything. I finally found peace, not in restriction or pushing harder, but in listening to my body, treating it with respect, and honoring its needs with compassion. Now, as a personal trainer, my goal is to help others find their version of balance—a healthy relationship with food, movement, and self.
If my story resonates with you, know that it is possible to break free from cycles of restriction and over-exercise. Balance is key to living a fulfilling life. Let’s continue finding strength together, one balanced step at a time.
Looking to find your own balance? Let’s chat about how I can help you build a sustainable, healthy relationship with food, exercise, and your body. My personalized coaching services are designed to guide you through this journey with compassion and support. Let's start your journey to self-love and wellness together.
Personal Growth, Body Image, Self-Love, Fitness Journey, Healthy Habits, Powerlifting, Eating Disorder Recovery, Mental Health, Weight Loss Myths, Balanced Living
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